You can also download a free, full-color version of this discussion guide from the real life website.
1. What are the rules for living a good life?
Your group can read St. Benedict’s answer, as well as the “golden rule” from Christ upon which the answer is based. Regarding loving one’s neighbor, you can also direct the group to Leviticus 19:18, “You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.”
2. What are the three general qualities of a healthy and joyful relationship, and how can we see these in Romans 12:9-18?
The three qualities are an appropriate view of ourselves, being supportive and giving, and being patient and forgiving. In St. Paul’s list, the attitudes and behaviors he puts forth could be categorized like this:
An appropriate view of ourselves: being without hypocrisy; giving preferene to one another; fervent in spirit and serving the Lord; being of the same mind, not setting our minds on high things or being wise in our own opinions.
Being supportive and giving: being kindly affection with brotherly love; distributing to the needs of the saints and showing hospitality; rejoicing with those who rejoice, and weeping with those who weep.
Being patient and forgiving: blessing those who persecute us; not repaying evil for evil; living peaceably with others.
3. What does it mean to say, “It’s not about you?”
Emphasize that each of us is not “the center of the universe”—our attention should be directed outward, toward God and others. You can bring up St. Niketas Stithatos’ teaching about the “three-pronged barb”—point out that he’s talking about the passion of self-esteem. Lead your group in a discussion of some of the false messages our culture promotes about self-esteem: how do these messages teach us to manipulate—and even abuse—others to pursue our own agenda? Contrast these false messages with the Christian understanding of our worth: each person is valuable because he or she is created in God’s image, and is loved by God.
4. How can we be supportive and giving?
Ask your group: how can St. Gregory the Theologian’s teaching about love and charity be put into practice in our parish and community? What are some of the things that are currently being done to help others, and what more might be needed?
5. What are some of the lengths to which we might be called to be patient and forgiving?
St. Kosmas’ teaching is appropriate here. You can point out that a longsuffering response to provocation does not mean that Christians must be milquetoasts; we are not called to allow ourselves to be endlessly and pointlessly abused. For example, Christ explains the procedure for confronting Christians who wrong other Christians, beginning with personal exhortation and concluding with expulsion from the Church (Matthew 18:15-17). We should nonetheless always remember Solomon’s proverb, “Wise men turn away wrath” (Proverbs 29:8).
